On my mind

I think I've lost a friend. I'm not sure how it all happened, but it ended with a venomous "fuck you" from her and a quick exit out the door. I was left standing speechless and hurt as though I'd just stepped into another world without warning. I don't know how anyone could be so cruel. No matter how angry or upset you get, there's always a better way to solve it aside from cursing someone out. I spent the rest of the day with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. It didn't help that it was the end of a long trip with little sleep, and we were embarking upon our trip home. This was so out of character that it caused me to wonder whether something else was wrong. I didn't have time to ask and now I don't want to ask. I just want to cut the toxic person out of my life. She doesn't seem to think she did anything wrong (or at least hasn't said so) and I have to say I see that as a major character flaw. I'm sure I shouldn't be so judgmental, but I am. And I hold a grudge forever. In other news, I somehow think it's MY fault. A flaw in me, perhaps.

Don't cry for me Argentina

Ok, the title is hokey, but I always seem to leave a piece of my heart in the most unexpected places. Having recently visited Argentina with my beloved chorus, I can easily say that Argentina stole my heart. I was caught unaware and only realized as we were leaving, the way this South American country had drawn me into its soul. The country has so many sights, sounds, smells, and tastes. The tastes usually came in last place since being a vegetarian isn't easy in the land of beef. Despite that, I felt drawn to this place where the laughter, wine, celebration, is abundant way into the wee hours of the morning. During this whirlwind tour, we visited the cemetery in Buenos Aires where Eva Peron was buried,  (don't cry for me Argentina!!--I resisted the strong urge to sing out loud while standing there gazing at the plaque adorned with flowers),  took a trip to Uruguay and walked through a coastal town of Colonia, adorned with Southwestern Colors and a New England flavor. I could have gazed at the scenery forever. We toured the opera house and heard the most amazing soprano rehearsing. Her voice took my breath away and I found tears in my eyes. I had no idea what song she was singing, but it didn't matter. Her voice was not of this world. The Tango show, the estancia (ranch) all had lasting impressions (maybe it was the wine, but those were wonderful adventures). :)
Speaking of wine, we then traveled to Mendoza where wine is made and enjoyed a delicious wine tasting of the smoothest malbec I've ever tasted. Followed, was a lunch of delectable food. Onward we went to discover the city of Mendoza and the majestic Andes mountains that hover above. In snow up to our knees, we saw the most beautiful animals (guanacos--similar to llamas--and condors flying overhead. Sledding was included in this adventure and after being convinced to take part, I didn't regret it! There may or may not be a video with proof that my friend and I went sailing down a hill at top speed. Ahem.

Our last stop was the small city of San Juan. There we completed our singing tour with a festival that included choirs from all over Argentina, one from Germany, Uruguay, and us from the USA. So many people coming together for one purpose, melted my heart. This is the power of music, I thought. It transcends countries, languages, and all that matters are the harmonies that result from a sea of voices all around us. It's what really matters. As it says in the story of Miss Rumphius, "make the world more beautiful, make the world beautiful...." And she says "but I don't yet what I will do". I now know what I will do.

Incredible singing all along the way made this tour the best chorus trip I've been on in my 18 years in the chorus. The cloudy skies never quite gave way enough to see the stars, so I must return. Although I don't speak (much) Spanish, I need una oportunidad para contar estrellas. (an opportunity to count the stars). Argentina, I will return one day. I am humbled by your beauty and by your people who were so kind even when I spoke part Italian, English, and Spanish in the same sentence. As I said, a piece of my heart is still in Argentina, so please take care of it for when I return, I will leave yet another piece of myself there, I'm sure.

There aren't words sufficient to describe this experience, but I am glad I was able to go.

The problem with texting

The problem with texting is that we don't hear the tone of voice. We do not see the the person's face. Therefore, it is easy to misunderstand or misinterpret someone's words. Emoticons can help, but they don't always prevent one or the other party from getting unnecessarily offended.

That said, if you know me well enough and we are texting, you KNOW I'm not intentionally offending you. I have shut off chat on FB and refuse to answer texts on my phone with anything more than "got it, thanks, talk to you later". If you do choose to reach out to me via text, FB message, or even email, and you get offended, it's on YOU. And please refrain from calling me names like "ridiculous" or "crazy". That's offensive.

Superstitious?

Hmm.... So I sometimes apply for jobs and never tell anyone. On purpose. Sometimes because I don't want to jinx it and sometimes because I don't want to explain if I am not hired.
I know talking about it isn't going to sway the decision one way or another, but somehow I feel like if I talk about it, I'll get my hopes up and realize I was never qualified or they hired from within or they had already chosen someone and this was just a formality for "show".
Ultimately, I think it's the embarrassment factor--who wants to talk about a job they're applying for and think they should get, and then have to let people know you weren't hired. So sometimes I just don't want to talk about it. But then sometimes I find out that where I'm applying, they know someone and they contact them! So, hopefully, I get this job for many reasons. Amen.

Commitment Phobes and Me *warning* foul language in this blog

So I seem to attract commitment phobes and people with a lack of ability to understand that a relationship is not just a few dates here and there when it's convenient. That's called dating and if that's what you are looking for, then be fucking clear about it.
Over the last 15-20 years I've "dated" and had relationships with the following kinds of people:

1. 8 years long but can't commit to marriage because "it's just a piece of paper". This was the ultimate demise of our relationship. After dating for 3 years and living together for 5, and no marriage in sight, I left. This was not without warning, nor offers to go to counseling (which were patently refused because "I don't need a counselor to tell me I need to get married when I obviously don't want to". Fast forward 15 years and this asshat is married with a child. He never wanted to kids which was the ONE thing we agreed on. Fucking asshole. And who the FUCK includes that info in their first contact after umpteen years when you find someone on Linked In. What a fucker.

2. Dated a guy for approximately a year and a half. He was always "busy" and scheduling time together was like pulling out a calendar and saying "hey, how's the next year looking for you?". He was married one year after we broke up. Cheat much?

3. Dated a guy for 3 months. Things are going well. He's taking it slow, but whatever, I'm fine with that. He invites me to go to LA for Thanksgiving but I can't go because I have a performance that weekend and would not make it back in time. So off he goes alone and comes back early to break up with me. WHAT? He quotes some cheesy poem about love being like a spark that catches fire. He says there's no spark. So I leave and he texts me to to say he didn't mean to break up with me. Well, I meant to break up with him. SO bite me.

All 3 of these asshats moved on to marry and/or have serious relationships. The common denominator is me, so perhaps I should be calling MYSELF the asshat. I don't know, but I'm NEVER dating anyone EVER again. FUCK MEN. If I could turn myself into a lesbian, I would.

In addition to these fuck-ups, though I went on a few dates with someone I'm fairly sure was married and or a woman, and also went on dates with many people who were clearly not who they said they were in their online profile. By the way, avoid online dating at all costs. Of course, most of my friends met their mates online so maybe it's just me.

I hate people. But not you.

Youtube brings out the worst in people

Why do people on YouTube feel the need to attack others? I don't get it. For the YouTubers themselves, get a grip. If you are putting your life out there, then expect some discussion. I'm not saying you should accept attacks, but make use of your delete/block function if you find something offensive. And by offensive, I don't mean not your opinion. For the commenters, make sure you read the WHOLE FUCKING COMMENT before you tell me what you think I said. FUCK YOU.

See? YouTube brings out the worst. I gotta stop watching this crap. It's making me a horrible person.

Stay happy!

Spring Tag (I know...but got sucked in!)

Spring Tag Questions

1. Favorite Spring nail polish? Lavenders, light blues, pinks, clear with a bit of purple. (OPI has great colors but since I can't afford them, I get knock offs)
2. What is your must-have lip color this Spring? something light and sparkly
3. Show us your favorite Spring dress, outfit or piece of clothing! Pajamas
4. What's your favorite flower? Sunflower
5. Favorite Spring scarf/accessory? none
6. What Spring trend(s) are you most excited about this year? (Makeup, fashion or both!) I don't follow trends. If it's not purple, I'm usually not interested.
7. Favorite Spring candle? Gardenia or jasmine
8. Favorite body spray/perfume for Spring? none too many allergies
9. What is Spring like where you live? Warmish but this year we broke the sky so it's now cold. OUr Winter was like summer. Go figure.
10. What's your favorite thing about Spring? Sunny days.
11. Are you a Spring cleaner? Yes but I'm an always cleaner. Hate dirt.
12. Favorite Spring food/candy? strawberries, blackberries, and raspberries
13. What is your least favorite thing about Spring? Pollen and bugs
14. Any plans for Spring break or an upcoming vacation? Not for Spring, but summer holds plans to visit family and friends in Boston and then Argentina on choir tour!